There are times when Ryker can be very clingy and to be quite frank, I love it when he is this way. To hear him say he loves me and when he says I am the “best dad ever” while trying to wrap his arms around my big frame never gets old, I welcome those moments. I also very much enjoy when all he wants is to be held, and tonight was one of those nights.
I am in my study reading when suddenly that feeling of a small presence enters my room. I look over my right shoulder as the corner of my right eye catches a little boy squatting behind my chair. I choose to not ruin his fun so I play along looking over my left. We repeat this three more times as the giggles increase with each passing. On the last turn to the left, I spin myself like a top and scoop him up. Those giggles immediately turned into cute belly laughs.
“Whatcha doing dad?” Ryker genuinely asked with curiosity
“I am reading a book on prayer is all.” I replied, “What are you doing?”
“Oh nothing, I just wanted to see what you were up to.”
By this time, he normally gets up and goes off to find something to do. Instead, my chest became his pillow and he laid there resting on his right side with his arms crossed and knees tucked into his chest.
I begin my reading once again and as I turn the page these were the words in which my eyes would collide…
“I have held my soul
In peace and silence
As a child
In its mother’s arms.
This is the highest state of prayer: to be children in God’s arms, silent, loving, rejoicing.”
I have written about it in the past, about prayer, how God so enjoys it when we speak to him, whether out of love or lament. And despite what we say there is no such thing as a bad prayer. In the same way, a child cannot give his parents a bad painting or drawing.
Yet here I was in this beautiful moment ordained by the Lord, father, and son. There were no elegant words spoken, there were no drawings or paintings. There was simply, being, and the peace which filled the room was nothing short of divine.
This season of my life, especially that of my prayer time, I have found myself in this very place.
And over the past couple weeks, I was beginning to question things. Is my spiritual walk transitioning from an oasis to a desert? Am I about to endure some serious burnout?
I then rested my chin upon the top of his head and the light bulb ignited like a mountain blowing its top, and I realized that God was answering me the entire time.
“No, no son you’re not. I actually enjoy those moments and now you do the same.”
There is beauty in stillness. Don’t ever be afraid to simply be still… You just might find out just how good God really is.