Please read for those questioning God’s will for your life. I really believe you will find much grace in this
As you all know I have applied to Multnomah University to pursue a degree in Theology. I was fully accepted and was due to start on the 8th of January. Words cannot describe the excitement. However, once I came back from vacation on the 2nd of January there were rumors at work that there were gonna be layoffs, in fact a couple people were already let go. I personally at that moment didn’t think anything of it but as time would move forward for the next few days it began to become more rooted in my mind. It was Friday morning and I was up getting ready for work. From the instant I opened up my eyes I felt in my heart that I needed to put everything on hold.
I kept ignoring the very thought of it. Even repeated to myself a few times that it was the enemy just trying to keep me grounded.. Once I got home I was accepting my rewards for college and all the financials that go with it, even got enrolled in classes but then it would hit me. The timing is off, and because the timing is off, I don’t have that perfect peace. To make a long story short I called them back and did the one thing I never wanted to do.
I was completely devastated. I contacted a couple people and told them the situation trying to sound ok with it all but in reality my heart was rocked to the core. Was it lack of faith? Personally I don’t think so. We already packed up, I quit my job, and gave much of what we had away back in Missouri. It was a massive step of faith to get up here! But what wasn’t in this situation (college) that was in the season of last year was God’s peace. I really didn’t want to jeopardize my families financially because I was gonna have to pay out of pocket. I didn’t want to have to do that and potentially face unemployment. I think I sat on my couch for like two hours just staring at the floor wondering “what is going on?”.
“For the revelation awaits an appointed time; it speaks of the end and will not prove false. Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay.”
Sometimes the will of God is a difficult thing to discern. And in many ways that is a good thing. First of all it is a good faith builder and a trust builder. These two things undeniably move the heart of God just as a earthly father (if he is aware) is moved by the faith of his son, knowing that his dad will come to his need. Or in trust knowing that in his father there is limitless love. But if there is one thing I have learned its that where God’s will is there is perfect timing, and even if it may be His will for your life, if it’s not in His perfect timing then you’re not in His perfect will.
If you told me three years ago I was gonna be living in the state of Washington I would have said you have no idea what you’re talking about and more than likely I would have never listened to you again for spiritual guidance. Its because I was so spiritually prideful it was quite honestly pathetic. Through God’s love however He would soften my heart. This process has been going for over three years.
I am reminded of a story in a book I have, Walking in The Dust of Rabbi Jesus. Here is the excerpt.
“One day as Rabbi Akiva was shepherding his flocks, he noticed a tiny stream trickling down a hillside, dripping over a ledge on its way toward the river below. Below was a massive boulder. Surprisingly, the rock bore a deep impression. The drip, drip, drip of the water over the centuries had hollowed away the stone. Akiva commented, “If mere water can do this to hard rock, how much more can God’s Word carve a way into my heart of flesh?” Akiva realized that if the water had flowed over the rock all at once the rock would have been unchanged. It was the slow but steady impact of each small droplet, year and year, that completely reformed this stone.“
God doesn’t rush. He doesn’t uses tidal waves or floods to fill our lives spiritually. Its not an all at once thing but its little by little and every minute of everyday thing that He uses ushering in the beauty that is sanctification, transforming us into being more like Him. It testifies to His patience, His Mercy, His Compassion all stemming from the infinite love that He has for you and I. So all that to tell you this. Be patient, sometimes when we aren’t moving, that’s when we are moving the most. Just rest in the Fathers Love and keep your hearts open ready to receive because what you are receiving in the present is preparing you for what God has for you in the future.
P.S. It doesn’t look like unemployment is going to be a reality at this time. It could be but that’s always a possibility now that I am on the construction side of things. That being said I know I am to wait. I am trusting God and seeking peace for summer classes.