Wrote this last night I pray its a blessing to those who are struggling.
I can remember when God first seized me with the power of His great affection.
My mother and father at the age of 14 would split, when she left I stayed behind and at 14 took care of my dad the best I could, getting him in and out of bed, helping him eat, just helping him with normal human needs. He was born with a disease, spinal muscular atrophy so he was very dependent on others in order to survive. Throughout this time my grades suffered tremendously. Fortunately I was shown much compassion through all of this. I remember a certain teacher Mr. Gunn. I was really failing that class, man was I failing it. I was well into the F range but I remember seeing a D on my report card as well as other classes. I should have failed a lot of them really that year and probably should have been held back… I was an 8th grader and boy I was a complete and total disaster.
To say that I was lowly, that would have been a major understatement. To say that I was broken, well I wasn’t just broken but I was crushed like a clay pot being smashed over and over with a sledge.
It was during this time that Jesus would make His way into my heart. It is one of those moments that I hold onto when it comes to God and His love for me. I had no idea what I was doing that Sunday morning but I remember hot tears flowing down my face. I remember experiencing a love so strong that it was infinitely magnified beyond anything I had experienced earthly. There was no fear, just pure and unaltered compassion. I was truly and utterly accepted. Suddenly within my heart and all its chaos I knew that as time progressed, everything would be ok.
Now everything wasn’t beautiful gardens and peaceful streams from that moment. It would be but only a few weeks later that my father would pass away and this was one of MANY MANY hardships I would endure in the years to come. I even adapted some very life sucking theology and practices. But that aside, I can’t help but recollect that every time and everywhere hardship would come Gods grace manifested itself in many facet and colors. Whether through spiritual mothers and fathers. Or spiritual brothers and sisters. Whether through people just being kind, merciful, and compassionate. God in my lowest times, even now, was never ashamed of me when I thought He was. Rather than being ashamed, He marched right up to my door and marched right in. Loving me and filling me with Grace right where I needed it.
Someone needs to hear this, but life has gotten you down and you wonder if even God loves you. Well, He is very fond of you and you aren’t alone.
It takes fire to purify gold thus making it more precious
It takes pressure to make diamonds.
And when life seems as if it destroys us. God can still make beauty from your ashes in a way that only God can.
If He did it for me He can most certainly do it for you… And He is doing at this very moment right now.