This took place in November last year.
“So this weekend, towards the evening on Saturday I ended up stumbling majorly. Last week has been pretty hectic and here soon my wife and I are making some very life altering decisions.
I am generally a pretty nice guy, however, I have always had an issue with road rage, sounds stupid but it’s true. I have stopped traffic in the past, whether at an intersection or just right in the middle of the road. A couple times blows were thrown, but generally it ends up defusing.… There is something about the attitude of some drivers that will really set me off. I’m getting better though!!!
A similar encounter occurred Saturday. So I whipped my car around and followed him home. Make a long story short before it was over, I got out of my car and was ready to go to war really. But it defused again, shook hands and walked away.
Was it stupid? Absolutely. Prolly a little dangerous being that everyone has a gun now a days (though I don’t).
Why am I telling you all this?
First is because I am not perfect and we all have our struggles. Sanctification is something that is very real and this life and is a very real and life long process. I honestly thought this part of me was gone but wow was the opposite true. I prayed, repented however my real struggle wasn’t that I just did this stupid act, but it was forgiving myself.
It completely ripped my heart to pieces. I couldn’t sleep, and my mind was constantly on that situation. I even decided to go back to that house, but it looked like no one was there. Regardless my fight was with my self and I couldn’t let it go. This entire situation really brought to fruition just how much when are in need of God’s life changing grace.
Then I remembered this quote though I don’t remember who said it.
“In a futile attempt to erase our past, we deprive the community of our healing gift. If we conceal our wounds out of fear and shame, our inner darkness can neither be illuminated nor become a light for others.”
If there is one thing I have learned in this walk of life with Christ. Its not hearing the about how good this preacher is or how well this person lived today. Its grace to me in knowing that I am not alone in my struggles. There is so much power when we are real, when we open ourselves up and become vulnerable to one another as brothers and sisters. So yes, as I write this I say to you I am not perfect, no body is. I never will be till God redeems this world and ourselves. I wish in my teenage years I would have been taught this. For the most part my walk at this point consisted of me always feeling inadequate and incapable of being used of God because I was constantly screwing up.
I hope that this brings you much grace in that fact that we are all in need of some work. Thank God He is willing to do just that.
You are not alone in your failings always remember that…
In Christ
John
Wandering Ragamuffin 